Have you noticed that certain occasions come with an implicit behaviour requirement?
During January, we are hard wired (and commercially coerced) to address all our shortcomings. Among the cacophony of good intentions, it takes real bravery to admit you have no plans to change a thing.
Birthday celebrations often come with an expectation to park all the sh*t happening in your life right now - and pretend all the sh*t that needs taking care off tomorrow (most of which is completely incompatible with a hangover) isn’t happening, and go straight to cocktails.
Any resistance or (god forbid) abstinence, implies you left your true self at home and sent Debbie Downer in your place.
And, Christmas. Well, I think Cliff said it best:
“It's a time for giving, a time for getting
A time for forgiving, and for forgetting
Christmas is love, Christmas is peace
A time for hating and fighting to cease”
So, not only do you need to slap on a silly smile; you have to give, offer loving and peaceful vibes to the universe (and everyone in it) and forgive every misdeed ever done to you.
That’s an awful lot for one day isn’t it? And all because it’s Christmas?
The ultimate imposter syndrome
Let's be honest, once you begin adulting, Christmas assumes the juxtaposition of complex family dynamics and obligation, with the universal expectation that one is always jolly at Christmas.
Attendees usually include at least one guest you’d just as soon replace with Joffrey Baratheon and several more you would have loved to invite but who couldn’t come because of their own Christmas contractual obligations to their family members.
Teenagers must leave their respective dugouts to hobnob with family members who they’ve otherwise successfully dodged all year. The inevitable questions about current romance or career plans will induce an inner squirm that the interrogator appears to be oblivious to. Rinse and repeat among many more family members.
There is also the collective, little mastered art of appearing thrilled by an utterly duff present.
The ghosting of Christmas caveats
For the vast majority of us, Christmas doesn’t arrive at that enigmatic moment when our finances, personal lives and family relationships are perfectly synchronised.
I imagine there are very few people who haven’t had to dust off their credit cards to buy presents for loved (and loathed) ones. And, given Christmas is often a catalyst to expose previously unspoken grudges or, worse, irretrievable relationship breakdowns there is a good chance you may have to rock up on Christmas Day amidst a real personal crisis.
So unless you’re comfortable with the labels “Grinch” or “Scrooge”, caveats aren’t permitted during the season of happiness. You can’t simply ask to sit this one out, or offer to cook dinner in exchange for a whole bunch of extravagance you can’t afford because we’re hard wired to believe that would somehow spoil the day for everyone else.
Wrapping up
When our emotions are more “off the peg” than “made to measure”, wouldn’t it be lovely if we could just come as we are, warts and all? Isn’t that what Christmas should be about? Asking someone how they really are (irrespective of how the response “fits” with the occasion) might just be the best gift you could give them.
Christmas shouldn’t come with a dress code for our feelings, so shove it where the sun doesn’t shine, Cliff!
(and see you all on the other side)…
Also - you're off the starting blocks now - keep going. It takes a while to build a following - just keep writing, reading and posting and join the community - love your voice.
I love this post - honest and relatable. And yes, with you on Cliff!