Have you met your future self?
And why a "vision board" should precede those New Year intentions...
I have no wish to retire. I look at my parents and outlaws - in their 80's and 70's respectively - as the antithesis to this holy grail that we’re sold from the moment we begin work and start paying into that pension pot (even when we can't afford to put petrol in the car).
My parents have no new stories to tell and haven't had for years. Every conversation is rooted in the past, to a time long gone. Their world is impossibly small. My outlaws have a better social life but whose topics of conversation often resemble musings on, dare I say, idle gossip and curtain twitching?
I came to the realisation, rather late in life - around ten years ago when I was 43, to be precise - that I hadn't even begun to scratch the surface of what I wanted to do. Really wanted to do. Professionally and, longer-term, personally.
So I began a career in contracting that would help me figure out what I enjoyed doing in my working life and would help carve out my version of anti-retirement, ideally miles away from the place I was born and have lived for over 50 years.
In case you're wondering, I identified my “where” around 4 years ago when I returned to Cornwall after a lengthy hiatus. On the last day of our holiday, I found myself sitting on Padstow Harbour, close to tears at the thought of leaving. My love affair with Cornwall has been an enduring one, but there had been illicit encounters with other, more exotic climes in previous years. This particular holiday had reminded me how spiritually connected I have always felt to Cornwall, and in that moment I knew I had found my future “where”.
Which is why, at 53 - no, I don’t have it all figured out - but am hoping a vision board for my future self will help me tackle the how and when, and keep me on course to getting there.
This suggestion came from my coach, who felt my professional ambitions needed to be chunked down into actionable tasks, each with a timeline. These would sit under my vision statement so I would always remember my “why” (which in case you're wondering is to learn and evolve and continue to work only on what fulfils me - but which keeps me in a supply of cream teas - in a place that nurtures my soul. Not much to ask, right?!)
Another piece of advice she offered (on the subject of time lost spent in busyness and choice paralysis) was whether I was actually spending that time in a way that aligned to my true north; my vision. Often, not so much.
So how can we put aside our current commitments to reimagine our lives and plan for the future in ways other than stuffing our pension pot?
I don’t have all the answers but here are some pointers that have helped me:
Stay tethered to your identity
Parenting, caring, ingrained career paths; all of these can skew our thinking around who we really are. We become what we do, not who we are. Time spent doing some of which you enjoy not only benefits your mental health but kickstarts the mentally creative, soulful process that shows you who you are and the art of the possible (however impossible it might sound out loud).
The changing shape of shared visions
Till death to us part if one heck of a commitment. The person you were when you got married will have changed a lot over the years, as will the person you married. Shared dreams you might have romanticised about years before may not still suit you both. Be sure that whatever you hitch your wagon to is something you want to can work with.
Dare to believe
In my career, I have experienced moments of feeling held back. By managers, protocols, lack of learning opportunities but, in retrospect, I was mostly held back by me.
Imagine signing off on a life of unfulfilled dreams and ambitions because of what you believed was possible (or not). Wondering if you could have been bolder, braver, less worried about what other people thought (or influenced by what they were doing). I’d rather try and fail a hundred times over than be faced with any “what if’s?” at the end.
So, in 2024, I am getting ready to fail - if thats what it takes to succeed. Will you join me?
Wow - this post RE-SON-ATED with me! And you've given me the kick I need to update my vision statement, thank you. I think I need to read this a few more times... sending you good vibes for your 2024 x
I’ve only been to Cornwall once but I feel in love sounds like the perfect place for your ‘where’. And I love those suggestions. I’m currently in the thick of parenting young ones and starting to remember my own identity outside of motherhood. You’re so right that it’s really important to keep that.